Lovin and Living

This is a place for me to just be me… (All content Copyrighted Yeve Eeffoc 2008-2015)

Archive for January 9, 2014

Honesty

January 9, 2014 at 10:51 PM · Filed under Life and tagged: , , , , , , ,


So I tend to keep how I feel inside. I don’t tell most people how I actually feel, whether I am talking about physical or emotional.

Tonight however I kind of told Jack in the Box but because I rarely complain I am not sure if he understands how badly I hurt.

For a long time I wasn’t really sure why I didn’t tell him  but I think it is a stupid fear that he is going to react or treat me like my Ex used to treat me. He didn’t care. He was awful to me many times. I recall one time I had been throwing up for a week. I had vertigo. I couldn’t walk, I couldn’t keep food inside of me, I couldn’t keep fluid inside of me and I could not function. Yet when I finally said I needed to get help he made me drive to the med center myself, following behind me to make sure I got there okay. I had to crawl across the parking lot and the only reason he got out of his car was because I couldn’t reach the handicap button to open the door. And then he was going to leave but the nurse told him he couldn’t leave me there by myself because there was no way I could drive home and he told her he couldn’t afford to take time off from work and that I had driven myself there. He stayed for a short period and when they decided I needed to go to the ER they asked the Ex if he was willing to drive me and he told them to call an ambulance. He did finally come to the ER but it was after a few hours of him being at work.

So I live in fear at times over what was. I don’t really believe Jack in the Box would ever be like my Ex was but I was damaged by that man. Emotionally, mentally, physically and it still takes its toll on me. My current husband is nothing like my Ex was and my Ex is. So I need to work on getting over these fears.

I am not sure if I will ever fully move past my past but I hope I can. I hope when I am feeling the way I am, I can be honest with my husband so he knows, instead of me keeping it all inside.

Comments