Lovin and Living
This is a place for me to just be me… (All content Copyrighted Yeve Eeffoc 2008-2015)Archive for Tired
Long Week
This past week was a very long week for me.
Both Youngest Monkey and Baby Monkey have been sick. Youngest Monkey lost a whole week of schooling. Baby Monkey began on Thursday night.
I have not been getting much sleep and then to top it off I had an increase in one of my meds, which then makes me tired.
I have not gotten out to walk or exercise since last Saturday and this upcoming week is supposed to be nothing but rain. I would love to get out even in the rain just because I need to exercise. I do have a race that I am supposed to be participating in at the beginning of August. I need to get my butt moving!
I need to work on me. I need to become the person God created me to be. We are not rich financially and that means I can’t use things to help me but I can use Him to help me. Which means I need to build my relationship and focus on Him and not on me!
This past week has been a long one but we are moving forward!
Tired
My Monkey’s have not been sleeping well. That is probably the biggest understatement I have made in a very, very, very long time.
It has been taking forever for them to settle down and get to sleep. And then by the time they finally get to sleep I have my second wind and can’t fall asleep. And then just as I start falling asleep my Baby Monkey wakes up and he is upset and needing to have physical contact with someone. And then as I get him calmed down our flippin kitty thinks, “Oh yeah I had a nap let’s play!” And then by the time he finally settles down my alarm is going off for Jack in the Box to get up for work.
Yup this is how every night has gone for me for the last week (might even be a bit longer actually).
I am pretty certain my lack of sleep has been adding to my feelings about the financial stuff that has been going on in my life and the fact that I am tired of the inconsiderate people in my life!
It doesn’t make me feel any better knowing that how I am feeling is wrong. But it does actually leave a lot of time to think about things. Which then of course makes me feel worse because I think about how I am actually sinning feeling the way I do. Which is then compounded by the fact that I am tired and I always feel worse when I am tired.
Yup it is one great big round robin about how I feel and why I am feeling the way I do and the emotions are just compounded.
It has been a MML kind of time (Muck My Life).
Long, Long, Long Day
I have been up since 5 AM. We are down to one car. And so that means if I have any appointments, I have to get up at the butt crack of dawn and take Jack in the Box to work. Not only that but if Middle Monkey isn’t here that also means I have to get Young and Baby Monkey up. So the one plus about this morning was Middle Monkey was here and so the two youngest got to sleep in, some.
It was rainy day. And we have two tires that really need and should have been replaced a while ago. So driving to and from another town for an appointment, while it was raining became very obvious that we really need new tires.
So I did what I hate doing and that was applied for a credit card. It was approved but the question is will I go out and use it? I don’t know. Seeing it is summer right now I probably won’t right now.
I really don’t want more debt. But I really don’t want to go and spend money on tires. And if we aren’t really traveling. If we aren’t really going anywhere. If we aren’t driving in snow and very little rain then maybe I don’t need to get them right now. And maybe I will be able to come up with enough money on my own to get them before we hit snow season.
Trying to make decisions is so difficult at times. I don’t want to put my Monkey’s at risk, ever. But we are not rich. But we are living above the poverty level (by about $5 – hahaha).
I just keep on praying things get better. That we are not struggling from month to month to make it. That it gets better. I am trying to be positive in the fact that Jack in the Box has a job starting in August that will be full-time. For that I am thankful. It isn’t a lot but it will be a steady income. That is what we need – steady!
So I have been up for a very long time now and my eyes are burning. The plus side, I get to do it all over again tomorrow but this time we have to wake up Youngest Monkey and Baby Monkey as well. Tomorrow is going to be an even longer day than today was!
Spiral
Completely spiraling out of control.
Emotionally I am drained. I am exhausted. I am tired.
I am not sleeping well. I have a lot of health issues that are not being or able to be resolved.
I am praying that my depression doesn’t take a sharp downward dip but I am pretty sure it is heading in that direction. I can’t seem to get a grasp on what is going on.
Tired of Fighting
I am seriously tired of fighting. I am not fighting with anyone. I am just tired of fighting for my sanity.
That might sound silly but I am.
I am tired of a lot. Our house is a mess all the time unless I go from the time I get up to the time I go to bed.
I am tired of Jack in the Box not getting call backs for interviews. I am tired of him going through so many jobs.
I am tired of being in debt. I am tired of not being able to do anything fun because we can’t afford it.
I am tired of feel like an ungrateful person. I am tired of wishing we had more.
I am tired of fighting with myself so that I have sanity and I am not tired or ungrateful all the time.
I Have A Tickle
My throat now has a tickle in it. I am really tired. I have a headache. And I am starting to cough again.
I do not want to get sick. I can’t get sick.
With everything else going on the last thing I need or want (who really wants to get sick) is to be sick again.
Month Over?
So much has gone on this year. So much I wanted to write about but never did. So much I wanted to say but never did. And now I just want to get into the new year so I can move forward or try to move forward!
I am seriously tired. Tired of all of the things in our life going wrong.
Then again I guess I can’t say that things are going wrong because He is in control so maybe it is just that there are lessons that need to be learned or trials we need to go through.
I really don’t know how long it has been but it seems like we haven’t had a smooth time for more than a few months here or there.
I am weary. I am tired. I am exhausted. I just want it to all be done with.
I would like to feel safe and secure and okay.
I don’t need to be wealthy. I don’t need to eat out one or more times a week. I don’t need a fancy car. I don’t need a fancy house.
I just want to feel like we are making more than paycheck to paycheck.
Long Day and Tired
I am exhausted right now but thankful.
Had a very nice night with my mom. Will write about it more tomorrow.
Had a cute little boy here today. It was nice having a play date for Youngest Monkey and Baby Monkey.
I am however glad that this day is coming to a close.
Life is So Rough
I haven’t been posting like I wanted to. I did so good at the beginning of the month and then life went on.
Since I haven’t been writing this is what has happened (I will get into details later):
- Easter
- Broken Toe/Foot
- Sprained Ankle, Shoulder, and bruised calves
- Pug/Heartbreak
- Oldest Monkey
- Exhaustion
Lets see it all started with the broken toe. I don’t even know what day it was but as Jack in the Box was walking out the door I was walking into the living room. I looked up to see what he was saying to me and I caught my toe on the chair leg. It hurt and I for whatever reason screamed out the door I think I just broke my toe. I walked back into the living room, sat down and looked at my toe and about died. It was going in two different directions and neither of the directions was straight like it was supposed to be. I reached down to my toe to make sure I wasn’t feeling any bones and as I pushed a little bit on it I felt and heard a pop and crack. Jack in the Box was going to call into work and I am yelling at him that he isn’t going to call into work because of a stupid toe. He finally left to go into work. And let me just say that I am certain none of this is in the right order because I got sick when it popped/cracked and I know Jack in the Box wasn’t home then. After much thinking and worrying I decided I was going to go into and luckily a friend came to the house so I could run into the med center. My toe is broken and the top of my foot is broken (fractured) and when I left they were talking surgery.
I wasn’t in the best of mood and we were supposed to be going to a baseball game on Saturday and I was frustrated about that. I had a foot that hurt horrible. Walking was possible but very painful. On top of the fact that I was having horrible anxiety about leaving Baby Monkey for 24 hours! I had never been away from him and wasn’t dealing with the thought of leaving him very well. So I was dealing with my husband dealing with me being overly emotional over what I was doing. If I was going or if I was staying. It was such a rough time. I did end up going and it was a bit of a hard time for me. Not so much leaving Baby Monkey but from the crowd at the game. I didn’t take my anxiety meds because I didn’t want to fall asleep at the game if I took them. Not that I would have been able to fall asleep at the game but I didn’t want to risk it.
Then came Easter. It was a rushed day because we had to get up early since the monkey’s were not at our house. We celebrated Easter at my parents house with the children and then come home. Oldest Monkey came to our house with a puppy. An adorable puppy but it was a puppy. Went about the day and enjoyed the time with my family. The monkey’s and all of the cousins had an Easter egg hunt. It is so much fun for the monkey’s!
Came home and dropped the Oldest and Middle Monkey off. We then headed over to my in-laws house. It was a nice visit. As we were getting ready to pack things up I went to walk from the dinning room into the living room. It is a drop down living room. I took the step down and ended up flying across the living room – in front of everyone! I twisted my right ankle and pulled my shoulder. Then when I laid down for bed I started to feel all of it. My calves were hurting, my back was hurting and of course my broken toe took another beating. It was either laugh or cry so I laughed.
Then Monday got here and the drama started with the dog and my Oldest Monkey. The person Oldest Monkey was living with has dogs. Four adult dogs and puppies. The adult pugs in the household are used to train pit bulls to fight. (I am getting sick and upset even writing this out). Anyway let me just say because I can’t go into everything that the adult pugs were injured in fights and the puppies were going to be used for the same thing. The person who lived in the house gave Oldest Monkey one of the puppies. I fell in love with the puppy. He had police meet him at the house the other day to get his things out of the house. The police had him lock the dogs up and he got his things out of the house and left the key.
Around 9 PM I got a call from the person who lived in the house telling me – well making threats to return her dog and her key and that I needed to watch my back because she knows where I live.
Around 10:30 there was a phone call from Oldest Monkey that she was filing a theft report on the puppy if it wasn’t returned last night (mind you it isn’t a good location in our city). The police had called Oldest Monkey and he was coming over to get the puppy to take it back.
I cried a lot last night.
Today I called and filed a report and was completely disheartened by the results. A report was filed. Police would be sent out to investigate. And if they found the claims to be true they would do a just cause hearing. Which currently takes up to 6 plus months to even get a hearing date.
Seriously I just keep on praying to God to help me know I did all I could do. To help me feel not so heart-broken. It wasn’t even that we were going to keep the puppy. It is just I didn’t want it to go back to that home.
I am frustrated with how our legal system works! These dogs if taken away would have to be put down because they are aggressive but these puppies are not yet. There is hope for them! Or there was hope for them. By the time all of this moves forward they will either be dead or injured and violent and have to be put down as well.
I am just sick and tired and heartbroken and broken as well.
Lovin and Living 