August 12, 2014 at 11:29 AM · Filed under Life, Mental Health and tagged: Addiction, ADHD, Best Friend, Bipolar, Depression, Doctor, Family, Help, Hoax, Humor, Jack in the Box, Joke, Medication, Mental Health, Mental Health Hospital, Mental Health Issues, Pastor, President Obama, Real, Robin Williams, Selfish, Stigma, Suicidal Thoughts, Support Group, Susan Schneider
Please no matter what your opinion is about suicide, I am asking that you please have some respect for Robin Williams’ family and friends. A person has taken his life and in order for a person to do that we can’t possible understand the pain and suffering that he was going through at that moment and what those that are left behind are feeling and dealing with.
Yesterday Jack in the Box wanted to know if the Robin Williams thing was a hoax. I had no idea what he was talking about so started to look. Saw lots of hoaxes online from 2012, 2013, and then saw a new article from 8-11-14 and realized it was no hoax.
Words can not express how this made me feel. I never got to met him but I looked up to him as a person. He was bipolar and he was ADHD and he had made a life for himself. He was funny and I often wondered what was hiding behind his humor; because I do that as well.
I have seen many things. Some calling this act selfish. Some expressing how sorry they are for his family. Some recalling what he meant to them.
The statement from his wife, Susan Schneider:
“This morning, I lost my husband and my best friend, while the world lost one of its most beloved artists and beautiful human beings. I am utterly heartbroken. On behalf of Robin’s family, we are asking for privacy during our time of profound grief. As he is remembered, it is our hope the focus will not be on Robin’s death, but on the countless moments of joy and laughter he gave to millions.”
The statement from President Obama about Robin Williams passing:
“Robin Williams was an airman, a doctor, a genie, a nanny, a president, a professor, a bangarang Peter Pan, and everything in between. But he was one of a kind. He arrived in our lives as an alien — but he ended up touching every element of the human spirit. He made us laugh. He made us cry. He gave his immeasurable talent freely and generously to those who needed it most — from our troops stationed abroad to the marginalized on our own streets. The Obama family offers our condolences to Robin’s family, his friends, and everyone who found their voice and their verse thanks to Robin Williams.”
The statement from his manager, David Steinberg:
“Nobody made the world laugh like Robin Williams. My brother, my friend, my soulmate, I will miss you.”
Depression is real. Depression is scary. It is hard for those who have not suffered from a mental health issue to really understand those depths of despair.
Robin was getting help. Sometimes help isn’t enough. But that does not mean don’t seek it out.
But I still am encouraging anyone who is suffering from any mental health issues to seek out help. Find someone to talk to. Talk to your doctor and try to get on medication. Go seek out a pastor, best friend or support group.
Mental health is real. Mental health does not get enough attention in our country. Mental health isn’t treated the same with health insurance companies. Mental health carries a stigma. Mental health is pushed aside. Mental health is made a joke. Mental health has different degrees of severity. Mental health needs to be seriously addressed and changed so that access is easier for those who need it.
I am bipolar. I am on medication. I have been addicted to self-medicating. I have avoided help. I have sought help out. I have taken meds and stopped because I was “better”. I have been in a mental health hospital for both mania and depression/suicidal thoughts. I was a typical bipolar person until about 9 years ago.
I am praying for each person who was touched by his life! Not only did he have a family and friends, he did touch the world with his movies and his giving and doing. He was a one of a kind, unique person, and he was real. He had struggles and he was willing to admit them.
Please if you are suffering in any way from depression, addiction, mania or any mental health issue; seek out help.
Robin McLaurin Williams
July 21, 1951-August 11, 2014
May 27, 2014 at 11:02 PM · Filed under Life and tagged: Alcoholic, Bipolar, Crying, Cutting, Distraught, EMT, ER, Facebook, Fire Department, God, Manipulator, ME, Mental Health Hospital, Middle Monkey, Monkey's, Oldest Monkey, Oldest Monkey's GF, Pain Meds, Police, Rabbit Hole, Self Medicating, Sexaholic, Suicide, Walmart
Trying to come up with words for this has been really hard. I know exactly what I want to talk about. I know exactly what point I wanted to get across and yet I am struggling to get the words out.
Back up a while ago. My Oldest Monkey packed up and moved out, without warning, without words, without talking and in the middle of the night. I was angry about it, very angry. But stepping back and looking I am not sure if I really had a right to be angry because I had done something similar to my parents.
I still had not fully gotten over all that had gone on. The moving out, the sticking us with a phone bill again, and just watching his life go down the drain.
Last week around 11 PM I got a phone call from the local sheriffs dispatch telling me that Oldest Monkey was on the phone and needed to tell me something. I could not understand a single thing that was coming out of his mouth. He was crying and distraught and there was no way for me to figure out what was going on. So the dispatcher told me that he had gotten home and he found his girlfriend cold and non-responsive and he needed someone there for him.
In a whirlwind I jumped out of bed, threw on whatever I could find on the way out of the house, got my Middle Monkey upstairs in case the two other Monkey’s woke up and ran out the door. Seriously when I realized what I had on, I felt as if I should be walking into Walmart in the middle of the night and put on Facebook with one of those stupid posts!
By the time I got to the apartment there were police, EMT and the fire department and Oldest Monkey was sitting outside. We were stuck outside the apartment until about 2 AM and then we were finally let go from the apartment at about 3 AM.
The next couple of days were just a whirlwind of family and friends and moving things and my anxiety going through the roof (I am an introvert and that doesn’t mean I can’t socialize and be nice and polite and around others; it just means doing so drains me in a really big way). So dealing with police and the medical examiner and the victims service unit and friends all one night and then everyone else the next couple of days made me feel like I could curl up, sleep and not get up for days. I am still not recovered from being around everyone.
But in that time (and here comes the hardest part of this post) I saw what my life could have been and only by the grace of God my life isn’t what I saw around me. I am bipolar and I have admitted that before but what I haven’t admitted is what my life was like being unmedicated with medication and self-medicating with other things and bipolar.
If I had not been allergic to pain meds I would have been addicted to them. I was a cutter. I was a sexaholic. I was a drinker. I was a manipulator. I attempted suicide more than a few times. I was a monster in every aspect that you could be.
I used to cut my arms, legs, stomach so I would bleed so I knew I was alive.
I have had sex with so many people, that I lost count at 50.
I would drink until I threw up and then start over again.
I was a master manipulator, about anything and everything.
I spent time in a mental health hospital and while there, while getting better, had sex with another patient (monitoring needed to be better and still does from the letter I read that my Oldest Monkey’s girlfriend kept from a guy in there).
I spent a lot of time in the ER because of overdosing on pills and alcohol (let me just say it is a miracle that I love cooking on charcoal as much as I do with as much as I had to puke that crap up).
She committed suicide and my Oldest Monkey found her. Listening to the stories the next day from her family and friends; I felt as if I was reliving a time in my life. It really was a flash into what the outcome of my life would have been had God not gotten ahold of me, shook me and woke me up and had I not listened to Him.
Like I said it was His grace that saved me. I had always gone to church growing up so it wasn’t as if I didn’t know who God was. But I had walked away from Him and He let me. He let me go down that rabbit hole. He let me continue to spiral because He gives us free will. I have no doubts that He reached out to me so many times I can’t even count them but I always turned away.
I saw what my life would have been like (well other than the fact that everyone really did care about her and believed she had a mental health issue that needed to be addressed; I didn’t have that in my life) if I had not reached up and taken His hand that last time.
I would have succeeded. I would have killed myself. Someone would have found me. I would have left 2 Monkey’s without a mother. I would never have known my 2 youngest Monkey’s. I never would have had my Jack in the Box. I never would have known real love. I would have missed out on a lot of things. The love of my church family. The friends I have made there. Getting into a real relationship with Him.
Even though I am not that person anymore this weekend brought up a lot of memories and heartaches and things I still have not dealt with. This is the first time I have ever truly put out there what my life was; even my Jack in the Box doesn’t really know. For me, it is a very scary place for me to have traveled back to. I was out of control and I am beyond blessed to be alive still.
The biggest question for me now is what do I do with all these memories? Do I actually find someone to work through it all with me or do I go back to stuffing and forgetting? Fear makes you do stupid things and there is no reason I should have fear over my past. God brought me out of those depths and He will still be by me working through it all.
My past life flashing before me wasn’t pleasant but I am proud to say I am no longer that person!
Robin McLaurin Williams
July 21, 1951-August 11, 2014
Lovin and Living 