Lovin and Living
This is a place for me to just be me… (All content Copyrighted Yeve Eeffoc 2008-2015)Archive for Forgiven
Do You Feel Forgiven?
Do you really believe that Jesus was sent to this earth so that He could take your place on the cross? Do you believe that you are forgiven because Jesus took your place on the cross? Do you feel you are sinning without forgiveness if you don’t truly believe this?
To be forgiven means that all things in your past, present and future are not there. It doesn’t give you a free reign to do whatever you like, you still have to repent your sins to the Lord but you are forgiven.
Because I believe in Jesus, because I believe in the Father, because I believe in the Holy Spirit; I have to believe by Their grace I am saved, I am forgiven by Jesus taking my place on the cross and going through Hell for me.
If I were to stand in front of the Father tonight because I have left this earth and He was to ask me why I should be let in would I have an answer? Do I really believe I would go to heaven if something happened tonight?
Logically I can say that I know Jesus came here for me, was born, raised, taught sinners, outcasts and those who were shunned, had 12 disciples who left their lives and followed Him to carry on His teachings, He was put on trial, flogged, beaten, crowned with thrones, made to carry a cross after all of this happened to him, nailed to a cross with both his hands and feet, pierced in His side to make sure He was dead, laid to rest in a tomb, had a stone rolled in front of the opening with a guard standing watch and then He rose from the dead and it was all done for me.
I know this. I can read it in the Bible; which was left for me. I go to church and hear His message.
But deep down in my heart if I were to ask myself if I felt I would go to heaven, my answer would be about 50% certainty. I can tell others I am forgiven and I know there is nothing more I can do to make God love me and there is nothing I can’t do to make Him love me less. It doesn’t matter if I go to church or don’t go to church, it doesn’t matter if I tithe or don’t tithe, it doesn’t matter if I read the Bible or don’t read the Bible; I believe in Jesus and I am forgiven and if I were to stand in front of the Lord and He was to ask me why the answer would be, “Because You sent Your Son to the world to die on the cross for me and when I accepted Him into my life, I was forgiven and forever embraced by You.”
Now you have to realize that when you actually accept Jesus you want to be like Him, you want to be Jesus with skin on, you want to go to church and be with others who believe, you want to tithe, you want to sing His praise, you want to read the Bible, you want to grow and you want to be full of the fruits of the spirit.
So do you really feel forgiven? Do you really believe that accepting Jesus saves you?
I have a lot of work ahead of me but I know I am forgiven. Logically I know it, I just have to work on my heart and my head really believing it.
Past Life
Now I am probably going to repeat myself often when I talk about these things but it is okay. Talking about it helps me to remember that I wasn’t crazy and what went on in my past life was real.
I am currently trying to wrap my head around a few things. If my Ex is really a Christian, if he has accepted Jesus as his Savior, if he is trying to be a better person ~ he is forgiven. His sins are forgotten and he will never make an account to the Lord for what wrongs he has done. Just like I will never have to give an account for all of the sins and things I have done wrong.
My life now is nothing like my past life. I did live a good life I guess most would say. If you were on the outside looking in you would see a family who went to church. A family who went out to eat at moderately expensive restaurants one to two times a week. A family who went out to a movie at least once a week. A family who helped others, especially the husband. An affectionate husband when we were out in public. A family who took some small and some large day or two-day trips.
If you lived in the house though it was something totally different. Yes we went to church but it was one of the few places my Ex ever touched me. We would go out to eat because that was what he liked to do. We would go to movies because it was what he liked to do. My husband could get a call from a friend in the middle of a major project and would drop everything he was doing and run to their aid, no matter if it was because they needed money or because they needed time but if I asked him for anything the typical response was, “I don’t even have time to breathe let alone (fill in the blank).” We did go on mini vacations but only if it was something he wanted to do. More often than not he went on vacations by himself with his friends, without the family. He was very controlling and manipulating of the family and our marriage.
Don’t get me wrong, I was far from perfect in this relationship. When I tried to talk to him and he wasn’t interested I would blow. I put a hole in the wall once because he was in my face yelling at me. I would confront him about things as they became clear.
Life was not easy to live in that house and over the next few weeks I am going to tell you stories about things while we lived there. I have not really taken the time to tell people what actually went on. Some knew because they were my friends and knew the actual truth (there was one person). Some knew what they thought was going on from what they saw or what they heard. But I have never really opened up completely and told anyone my side of what went on and why I left. I used to have a blog and I used to write about it but my Ex was a computer whiz and knew about it and when I left, he got into my account, changed my password and deleted all posts that had anything to do with him. So it is time to tell my story and my side of things because I need to move forward but I need to remember why I left and that it was okay to leave. But I am also telling my story and my side of things because like I said, no matter what went on, no matter what he did, no matter how he treated me then or how he treats me now, IF he is a Christian, IF he has accept Jesus as his Savior, IF he has changed his life and who he is ~ he is forgiven, he will not have to account for his sins, he will stand in front of the Lord and they will review his good deeds and his works in his life.
That is what I am trying to wrap my head around ~ That he will be in heaven and that he will be forgiven and that he won’t have to account for what he has done or what he has said or what he continues to do. Just as I won’t have to.
Wow – what a sobering thought!
Lovin and Living 