Past Life

December 7, 2013 at 10:50 PM · Filed under Life and tagged: Affection, Christian, Church, Ex, Forgiven, Heaven, Husband, Jesus, Life, Lord, Relationship, Savior, Sins, Story

Now I am probably going to repeat myself often when I talk about these things but it is okay. Talking about it helps me to remember that I wasn’t crazy and what went on in my past life was real.

I am currently trying to wrap my head around a few things. If my Ex is really a Christian, if he has accepted Jesus as his Savior, if he is trying to be a better person ~ he is forgiven. His sins are forgotten and he will never make an account to the Lord for what wrongs he has done. Just like I will never have to give an account for all of the sins and things I have done wrong.

My life now is nothing like my past life. I did live a good life I guess most would say. If you were on the outside looking in you would see a family who went to church. A family who went out to eat at moderately expensive restaurants one to two times a week. A family who went out to a movie at least once a week. A family who helped others, especially the husband. An affectionate husband when we were out in public. A family who took some small and some large day or two-day trips.

If you lived in the house though it was something totally different. Yes we went to church but it was one of the few places my Ex ever touched me. We would go out to eat because that was what he liked to do. We would go to movies because it was what he liked to do. My husband could get a call from a friend in the middle of a major project and would drop everything he was doing and run to their aid, no matter if it was because they needed money or because they needed time but if I asked him for anything the typical response was, “I don’t even have time to breathe let alone (fill in the blank).” We did go on mini vacations but only if it was something he wanted to do. More often than not he went on vacations by himself with his friends, without the family.  He was very controlling and manipulating of the family and our marriage.

Don’t get me wrong, I was far from perfect in this relationship. When I tried to talk to him and he wasn’t interested I would blow. I put a hole in the wall once because he was in my face yelling at me. I would confront him about things as they became clear.

Life was not easy to live in that house and over the next few weeks I am going to tell you stories about things while we lived there. I have not really taken the time to tell people what actually went on. Some knew because they were my friends and knew the actual truth (there was one person). Some knew what they thought was going on from what they saw or what they heard. But I have never really opened up completely and told anyone my side of what went on and why I left. I used to have a blog and I used to write about it but my Ex was a computer whiz and knew about it and when I left, he got into my account, changed my password and deleted all posts that had anything to do with him. So it is time to tell my story and my side of things because I need to move forward but I need to remember why I left and that it was okay to leave. But I am also telling my story and my side of things because like I said, no matter what went on, no matter what he did, no matter how he treated me then or how he treats me now, IF he is a Christian, IF he has accept Jesus as his Savior, IF he has changed his life and who he is ~ he is forgiven, he will not have to account for his sins, he will stand in front of the Lord and they will review his good deeds and his works in his life.

That is what I am trying to wrap my head around ~ That he will be in heaven and that he will be forgiven and that he won’t have to account for what he has done or what he has said or what he continues to do. Just as I won’t have to.

Wow – what a sobering thought!

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