Breath In, Breath Out

October 15, 2013 at 11:59 PM · Filed under Life and tagged: Babbling Brook, Baby Monkey, Blood Work, Breath In, Breath Out, Camping, Doctor, Financial Issues, Fire, God, Hematologist, Middle Monkey, Oldest Monkey, Peace, Praying, Wind, Youngest Monkey

Waiting is a very hard thing for me to do. Then again I don’t know anyone who enjoys waiting.

I spoke with the doctor’s office today. Youngest Monkey has some blood work abnormalities. They are sending her to a hematologist. So we wait for a call about an appointment.

I am struggling with a lot of things right now. I don’t want to struggle. I want to be okay but I am not.

And tonight I just happen to walk into the bathroom and it got even worse.

I am so heavy-hearted.

Between Youngest Monkey’s unknown issues, Baby Monkey’s allergy (and yet unknown) issues, Oldest Monkey’s issues are becoming more and more obvious and Middle Monkey, well he has some medical things going on as well. Add to those our financial issues and other things.

I sat in my backyard today burning wood. For a moment I closed my eyes and was taken to another place. Listening to the fire crackle, the wind rustling the trees and the babbling brook ~ I felt like I was camping next to a stream and all the worries of the world were nowhere near me. And then I opened up my eyes and was brought back to reality and it was a hose behind the chair, and it was my fire pit and it was in my backyard with a fence and no camper. And then all my worries came back.

I did a lot of talking with God today while I was out there, I mean I was out there for 5 hours and my phone died after about 30 minutes so I had a lot of time on my hands. I want to be the person who puts him first, before anyone else and before anything else! I do struggle with those kinds of things.

I keep on saying I don’t know how much more I am going to be able to handle. The thing is at times I think it is because I am not fully leaning on Him. I am not fully trusting in Him. I am not fully engaging in a relationship with Him and His word, so I am not hearing Him.

I need to just breath in and breath out. I need to know that no matter what happens it will be okay because He is with me the whole way. I need to go sit in my backyard, turn on my house and just listen to the wind and babbling brook and God and find peace.

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