Psalm 34:18

May 7, 2014 at 1:48 PM · Filed under Life and tagged: Breaking Point, Brokenhearted, Crushed, Facebook, God, Heartbroken, Holy Spirit, Jesus, Mental Health, Middle Monkey, NIV, Oldest Monkey, Psalm 34:18, Self Medicating, Self-Destruction, Spirit, The Message

Psalm 34:18

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
    and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Last night I had the privilege of being about to watch a man speak at a benefit banquet. He said a verse that resonated with me and went deep into my heart and soul and it was Psalm 34:18.

A long time ago I was this horrible child. I caused a lot of pain and heartache to not only my parents but my siblings as well. And then I caused heartache to my Oldest Monkey. And then I continued to cause pain and heartache to myself. I was young. I was self-destructive. I was running from myself and from God. I was self medicating my mental health issue. I might as well have been stuck in a stalled car, with broken doors and locks and unable to escape sitting on the train tracks with the train headed right for the car and myself.

So many times in the last seven years I have been at my breaking point with my Oldest Monkey and just wished things would get better. Wished he would get help. Wished I could save him. Tried to rescue him and tried to save him and make it all better and right. And this year, a week before Easter, in the middle of the night, he moved out without telling anyone. (Talk about a wake up call – I did the same thing to my parents, moved out in the middle of the day when everyone was at work and at school and didn’t tell anyone I was going {and this was the second time I “ran” away from home} – massive sting)

You can not save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. I of all people should know this but at the same time, I had hoped Oldest Monkey would listen and have learned from me. Because we really were and are one in the same. So in hindsight it really should not shock me that he isn’t listening or learning.

Oldest Monkey moved out and since that point I have done my best to avoid seeing anything that has to do with him. It isn’t that I don’t love him, it is that watching him self-destruct is breaking my heart. When he moved back home last August I really did have such high hopes and things were going well and he was doing better. And then all of his usual habits showed back up. Of course it all really started to head downhill when he turned 21 years old.

Sometime last week he showed up to get his pills, he had a huge scar on his forehead, a bill showed up from a radiologists a day after that, and then a denial showed up in the mail. So I logged onto his site on facebook and sent him a message (which he read but never responded to). Of course then since I am on his facebook, I decide to scroll through and see if there is anything new and all it does is sadden me even more.

Then there is my Middle Monkey. He no longer believes in God or Jesus or the Holy Spirit. It is heartbreaking. I feel sad for him. Sad that he can’t believe in the unseen anymore. He used to have such a strong faith. He used to tell others and make points to others about just because you have seen doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Where did that faithful man go?

I have been thinking about Psalm 34:18 since last night. I was blessed to have been asked to go. I was blessed by the man who spoke and told everyone his favorite Bible verse. I was blessed by God to be in the right spot at the right time and to hear exactly what I needed to hear. And do you want to know how I know it really was Him? Today while scrolling through facebook, someone had posted an article, I opened it and the article closed with:

Psalm 34:18
The Message (MSG)
If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;
if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.

God is amazing when you have a relationship with Him and if you look, listen and pay attention you can hear Him as well!

Comments